6/25/2018 1 Comment complete graceDeath is a frequent topic of conversation around our house. Some people think we are weird (for more than just this I know), morbid, inappropriate and weird. It's a hard topic. It's an awkward and uncomfortable topic. But it's so much a part of our life, we can't help it. My kids, and Reuben for that matter, never met my dad but we talk about Pake all the time. The grandfather figure they have on my side, my own Grandpa, was a very important part of their life and he passed a way almost two years ago. And I just killed 3/4 of our goldfish.
Death is scary in it's finality. It's terrifying actually. It's horrible, agonizing, and gut wrenching. It creates huge gaps that never fill. I hate it. But I can't pretend it doesn't exist. I can't lie to my kids that accidents don't happen, that some of us don't die way too young. Because that is my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm as age appropriate as I can be with them. But I will not promise them a long life because I can't. And it kills me that I can't. I wrestle all the time with living today for our life with Christ after death. The moments I'm snuggled up with Reuben, our 3 rambunctious, beautiful kids sprawled all over us, watching a movie or reading a book makes me think man, I never want this to end. When we are running around outside finding adventures at every turn I think, it can get better than this? How on earth do I teach the kids that life doesn't begin and end with death here, especially when we are flushing Goldie the goldfish down the toilet? And in God's infinite wisdom and grace... He does all the work for us. I was bringing Jackson to school after dropping the girls off and we were just chatting about nothing. And he asked how old my grandmother (aka Nana) is. "How old is Nana? 92?" "80 buddy." "That's old. Is she going to die soon?" "Well... hopefully not soon. But eventually. We all die. Hopefully when we are old and not little." "I don't want Nana to die. I love Nana. Is she scared to die?" "No buddy. Nana loves Jesus with all her heart and is so excited to one day finally be with him. She asked Jesus into her heart a long time ago and has been listening to and loving him ever since. When she dies, she gets to spend forever with him." "Ok." I thought that was the end of the conversation. Jackson chattered on about how he's excited to get dentures because it means he gets to go to heaven (I have no idea) and something about a big truck parked on the street. And after a few seconds of silence I heard, "Jesus, please come live in my heart. I love you so so much and I want to be with you in heaven. Please come live in my heart." And cue the waterworks. Holy. Guys seriously, I couldn't stop crying happy tears. Faith like a child I tell you. He anxiously asked me if Jesus heard him which I assured him he did and he beamed from ear to ear. All I could squeak out was a "Thank you Jesus!!" When I dropped him off at his friend's before school I heard him saying, "I asked Jesus into my heart!" and then proceeded to talk about the truck he saw :) I have never been more thankful for generations of the faithful. That my grandmother in her steadfast faith and deep desire to serve the Lord until her dying day profoundly shaped my son's life. In the most important way. We have a lot of learning and growing to do but I'm beyond blessed for the faith community we are a part of who will help our huge inadequacies in raising our kids in Christ. I won't lie guys. It was my proudest day as a parent and I know it had absolutely nothing to do with me.
1 Comment
Ev
6/26/2018 08:29:17 pm
So simple. So real. And you said it well: holy.
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