10/17/2021 0 Comments My absence explained... kindaWhere have I been the last few months?!
That's a very good question. And I'm pretty sure I have yet to be reunited with my brain. But I'll be perfectly honest. I have found the last few months very difficult and trying in a lot of ways that I wasn't able to name or even recognize until lately. More on that later when my brain somehow finds its way back to me. But getting back into a routine has been lovely. But stressful. Wonderfully predictable but overwhelming. Normal and beautifully boring. School is great. Making lunches sucks (the smell of lunchboxes when you open them!?). Having a reason to get dressed is great. Choice of what to wear is overwhelming. Anyone else?! I also went back to work full time the same day my kids started school. I'm working at the same school with some of the same students but in very different capacities. I'm at a different campus working with different teachers. Different hours, different routines. And for the most part I love it. But man some days it's a lot. And I think there is still this undercurrent of fear that we will once again be shut down and forced into the horrible role of at home teacher/parent/principal/monster. I have so missed people and social interactions. I have missed the ability to see people outside of my small circle. I absolutely love the feeling of slowly getting back to normal. And yet I am WIPED whenever we have a bigger social gathering. Okay okay fine I'm wiped even by smaller social interactions. And I was before too (introverts unite!) but it's been a lot worse lately. It's not normal yet. We have a ways to go. And I am beyond tired of talking about vaccines and vaccines passports and our ''rights'' and all that. I want to know about YOU. I've missed YOU. I've missed the sound of my friends laughing together, my kids playing in large groups. I've missed the conversations about vacations and weddings and parties. The amount of despair I feel watching vaccines conversations take over all else, divide families and friend groups, cause arguments and fractured relationships... Man. It's a hard season of polarizing opinions, a wealth of misinformation and a lack of grace all around.. We are in an unprecedented age of a global pandemic with no 'right way' manual. And navigating all of this is so dang exhausting. And yet does anyone else find that slowly this is all becoming our new normal? Last night as I watched a movie with my husband I got anxious when one of the characters walked into a store without a mask on. I actually whispered "you need a mask!!" Guys. The movie was from 2010. I think it will take a long time for some aspects of Covid to stop occupying our mental space. I've started playing games with myself, "guess what they look like under the mask". It's pretty awesome. And usually I'm completely wrong and can't stop awkwardly looking at the person if they take off their mask. They probably think I want to kiss them with the amount I'm staring at their mouths. And between juggling new routines, back to full time work, school, and navigate all the things that come with the book I have been absent in this space. But I am hoping to use it more frequently. I'm hoping to get more committed to working on things consistently with the book, blog and other writing ventures. I do find it very therapeutic and I love connecting with people in ways I didn't imagine. And the next little bit I just might be getting pretty real and vulnerable. Maybe we can build honesty, vulnerability and safe places online in the midst of this chaos.
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