4/30/2017 0 Comments weekly reviewI feel like I start each Sunday thinking, "Holy Hannah last week was bonkers! This week will be much more relaxed, sane and calm". Hilarious right? Each week somehow gets progressively...crazier. There are days when I crave the sweet gentle babbles of a baby (Harper is right in this stage and hasn't quite figured out how to get seriously mad. Ah I love it!) instead of the incessant interrogations by my preschoolers. And the glimpses into the inner workings of their minds is both hilarious and absolutely terrifying. Here are my highlights from this week - because I know you are all just dying to hear them. It's also been the week of Jackson. He's been absolutely hilarious.
1. Jackson and Shiloh love waiting on the front porch for Reuben to come home, irregardless (right word usage??) of weather, timing or personal dress. Because they have stepped foot outside they immediately no longer have to use any form of inside voice. Any topic (poop, dirty diapers, genital differences, zits on my face) are all up for neighbourhood discussions apparently. Jackson normally isn't wearing pants because he takes them off at any opportunity and Shiloh is most likely dressed in some hideous princess costume in her rubber boots with dirt all over her. This week they screamed on multiple days at the birds. You know, the ones everyone loves in spring time because we forgot such things existed. But they aren't yelling at them to leave, they are yelling at them to "stop pooping all over my daddy's car!!" And everyone else's car for that matter. Or just pooping anywhere. Even though they are allowed to poop anywhere they choose. 2. We've been trying to explain to Jackson that fruits and vegetables make him grow 'tall like daddy' which is his current goal in life. He continues to defy our logic by seeming to exist only on bear paws and still growing way waaay to fast for my liking. But somehow he's caught on a bit and proudly told us he drinks water for "entergy". 3. Jackson walked into his room, threw up his hands and gave a MAJOR sigh of disgust. "Mom! My room is a DISASTER! Clean it!" And walked out. I think we may have underestimated his defiance and sass. 4. My kids got these really stupid smurf toys from Mcdonalds. Yes I feed my kids McDonalds on occasion. I ate it as a kid and I turned out just fine (depending on who you ask). I try to throw out their Happy Meal toys ASAP so I don't have more toys that break and are stupid lying everywhere. And of course Jackson decides to put away his garbage ONE TIME. Right after I threw out his smurf toy into a new empty garbage bag. I was definitely not the favourite parent that day. 5. Jackson has decided he's too cool for dance class (I think he came to this realization when they turned on classical music and made them jump around ballet style. I'd quit that class too). Shiloh of course, can't function without her brother. Jackson took her face in his hands and said very sternly "Shiloh you are brave. You can do this!! You do not need to be scared. You are brave!". Heart melt right?! Shiloh destroyed the whole thing by screaming no at him but in the few seconds before it was the sweetest thing ever. 6. One of our friends lost their mother in law this week. It's brought back the realness and finality of grief in a way that I underestimated. That coupled with Easter has left us talking about death a lot. We had our friend's kids for the day. After a bit Jackson said to him, " Your grandma just died and that makes you sad. My grandpa died and that makes me sad. But it's okay to be sad". His friend responded with, "Yeah. I'm sad. She's with Jesus." and they carried on as if they were not the absolutely most adorable little things ever. I may have teared up a little. I'm also learning Jackson is this wise old soul in a little body. 7. Harper has the most adorable big goofy toothless smile right now. It's hilarious! And she wiggles everywhere like a worm. I forgot how fun this stage is!! 8. Finally, we continue to battle the potty daily. It's like someone told him sharks live inside the toilet or something. Gah it's the most frustrating, driving-me-bananas- aspect of parenting yet. I do not understand it at all. I get a bit of bum sweat (TMI? Whatever, we all get it) and I'm running to get changed. How can you just enjoy your poop that much? It's like it's their goal to see how many people can gag at the odour wafting from their pants. Anyways! We tried underwear this weekend. We've bought both boxers and brief styles with all kinds of patterns on them. Jackson refuses to wear briefs the right way because then he can't see the minions that are supposed to be on his butt. Instead he enjoys a perma-wedgie so he can see the minions and everyone else gets to see a sumo wrestler in training. And Jackson's lightbulb white. This weekend when he wore his boxers he discovered the ''pocket'' on the front. Oh goodness I can't believe I'm writing this. I think there was a reason God only gave me one boy. He was thrilled to find a pocket and even more thrilled to discover something in it. "Mom! My underwear has a pocket!! And there's something inside!! It's... it's my penis!!! My penis is inside my pocket!!". He very diligently checked his pocket throughout the day (okay okay until he peed through a few hours later) to make sure his penis was still inside. New week new month right?!
0 Comments
4/24/2017 0 Comments table talkWe've been trying our best to have meals together at the table. Works most of the time but given the size of our eating/living/kitchen okay goodness the whole house size, sometimes my table is my office, laundry room, grocery holder, toy collector and supper table. At once. I'm working on it, don't worry. And because my kids didn't really nap today we needed an early dinner before Reuben made it home. I got to fully participate in my preschoolers' (that's what you call a 2 and 3 year old right?) conversations. I learned a lot about... life.
First Jackson introduced me to crouton juice. If you'd like to make crouton juice yourself you need to pour your croutons into your cup of water. And then drink the 'magical' juice you've created. We then discussed how our body makes poop. Yes, really. At the dinner table. It was more just plain curiosity on their parts than trying to be gross although they thought a lot of it was pretty hilarious. It's also been reiiterated to me that I made the right decision in not pursuing a career in biology. "We make poop by eating and then our stomachs grab all the gummy vitamins from the foods and squish out poop. FROM OUR BUMS!" "We don't eat poop, no no no." Thank goodness, no. "When we poop on the potty we flush it down the pipes into the poop river floating under our house." Ahhh... no. "Mommy my meat looks like my poop. And it smells like Harper's poop." And fork goes down. These are also quotes from my children not from me. I also failed to explain why we cannot poop out the colors of the food we eat, why dung beetles can live in elephant poop but not tiger poop or our poop (darn you WIld Kratts) and why giraffes don't have to poop on the potty. I wish I was making this up. The worst part was the conversation seemed so common place and normal that I didn't stop to think about how weird we were till Reuben came home. Anyone want to come for dinner?? I've rewritten this post so many times. I had to wait until those postnatal hormones calmed the stink down. And I had to be able to write this without crying like Niagara Falls. So here it goes. Miracle #3. It's also ridiculously long.
We were thrilled when we found out we were expecting again. A normal age gap!! We did it!! The kids were as excited about another baby as toddlers can be. Jackson was VERY insistent it was a girll. If you told him it was a boy he absolutely freaked out. Adorable. So of course we told him it was a boy all the time. They loved feeling the baby kick and picked out a cute blue elephant to match the filthy stuffed animals they carry around. And they wonderfully named the baby Ocean. Do not ask my why. But they were adamant the baby was Ocean. We had to explain many many times to everyone else that we were not actually going to name the baby Ocean. We thought it was hilarious until I met someone who actually knew someone named Ocean. Whoops. I get morning sickness pretty bad but it was the worst with Harper. Everything turned my stomach. Just thinking about coffee made me throw up.I puked ALOT. My kids thought it was hilarious and would stand around the toilet pretending to dry heave into the toilet beside me. They had competitions as to who could wretch the loudest. My kids can scream a belching noise like champions. But jokes on them! They stood in the splash zone every time. As far as everything else went it was a fairly normal pregnancy. We knew that there was a very good chance that I would have complications but I worked hard to minimize them. Not hard to manage your weight when your baby does it for you. But my cholestasis came back fairly early and my blood pressure started it's oh so wonderful climb at around 32 weeks, earlier than the other two. My midwives (another blog post about how absolutely wonderful midwives are) were amazing but I inevitably had to be transferred to an OB. I was in and out of the hospital as my BP continued to climb and I stopped responding appropriately to the medications I was on. The nurses laughed at my ''hospital purse'' - a large purse full of snacks, a phone charger, pen and paper and a couple books. I was never quickly in and out but always needed hours of fetal monitoring, blood work and blood pressure readings. I was there so often we were all on a first name basis. My complications were not nearly as severe as other women. But it was hard. It was really hard. It's also hard admitting to anyone (and now the public Internet world) how hard it really was. I was desperately trying to balance work and home life but failing miserably at both. I was attempting to complete a work related course but one afternoon needed to be rushed out of the class as I started to black out. By my boss. Holy guacamole embarassing. I couldn't seem to balance figuring out emergency child care while I went in to emerge or praying desperately that my blood pressure remained stable until Reuben came home. I had to rely a lot of family and some pretty awesome friends. We chose to get pregnant knowing full well there was a chance of recurring complications. I knew that it was my responsibility to figure everything out because this was our choice. The good thing was no matter how high my blood pressure got, Harper was always happy as a clam (is that the saying??). Her heartbeat was always strong and my blood work never showed signs of preeclampsia or any other distress. My blood pressure didn't get as high as with my other two but I was incredibly symptomatic. And to top it all off I fell down my stairs 3 weeks before I delivered and totally torqued my tail bone. Cause labour doesn't hurt enough already. Just wanted to add some extra fun in not being able to sit or walk properly. Finally at 37 weeks my OB decided that I needed an induction. I had been in and out of the hospital for weeks and was forced off work (I got seriously told off by my OB when she found out I went back to work after being written off). Problem was, Harper was in a transverse lie (sideways). A few weeks prior she had almost engaged in my pelvis but decided why bother. I couldn't try any of the 'spinning baby' techniques because it would cause my BP to spike. So I needed an External Cephalic Version (ECV) to manually attempt to rotate Harper head down. But of course my OB had the week off when I needed the induction. And there was only one OB in the city who apparently was willing to attempt it given my complications. Great. We also needed an OR on standby as there can be severe complications with an ECV requiring immediate section. Okay double great. Let's see if we can make the most use of our OHIP. I went in on the Sunday morning to have my baby. Around noon they attempted the ECV. Ladies, if you thought labor and birth is painful.. they've got nothing on an ECV (okay not nothing. But it is stupid painful!). But its a short procedure considering and boy did I want to avoid a c section (I can't even look at my IV let alone the thought of a surgery). My midwife also told me that when an ECV doesn't work, often it's because the mom couldn't stomach the pain long enough. Challenge accepted. There were a bazillion people in the room while the OB attempted to rotate Harper. But she did it! And then my stomach was bound by an super old school looking fabric octopus thing to keep Harper from flipping back. Labour was slow. Horribly stupidly slow. I finished my book while in labour it was that slow. After hours and hours I was only 4 centimeters. But after resting for an hour I woke up with the insane urge to push! I thought I was going to pee/poop/push out a child with all my insides all at the same time. Problem was I had to lie on my side or Harper's heart rate dropped and I couldn't reach the call button. My oh so lovely labour supports (my mom and Reuben) were sound asleep in the room. Snoring. So loudly I had to scream at them to wake up. When they are awake they are the best labour supports... sleeping? Not so much. Thank you. The OB came in and challenged me have the baby in under 5. Done. During Jackson's birth after a few first contractions I yelled "is that all you've got?". No, no it wasn't. But apparently I like a birthing challenge?! And as I *calmly* began to push she gently told me it might take a little longer. Woman, are you crazy?! I just about had this baby by myself in the dark! Little did I know Harper's neck was cranked completely to one side. If I had pushed I would have broken her neck. "I just need to place both hands gently inside to turn her through a few contractions". I'm sorry can you repeat that in English please? Because I can't imagine that's what you are actually going to do! Oh but it was. The OB calmly turned her while she was still inside into the right birthing position. But Harper again moved and ended up coming out head first instead of brow first. I wasn't told until after that had any other OB known of her positions I would have been sectioned immediately. The chance of damaging Harper given her position was pretty risky.My OB was so amazing I didn't even know anything was wrong till after the birth. And then I saw my beautiful Harper. But something was horribly wrong. Harper had the cord wrapped around her neck twice and shoulders once. I thought I was going to vomit. Get that off my baby! Holy mom rage! I thought I was going to throw myself off the table and do what I'm not quite sure. Something to the effect of ripping my own placenta off my child even though I was still contracting. Labour messes with you. And after she was safely out, the OB noticed Harper had a cord almost twice the normal length. With a perfect reefer's knot. Had I not been induced when I was there is a very good chance Harper would not be here today. I can't think about that without wanting to bawl. If the ECV hadn't worked I had the option of going home and coming back to try again. If I had, I could have unknowingly let my daughter die. One of my nurses approached me after and told me in her 20 years in labour and delivery she had never seen a delivery like mine. ANY other OB would have sectioned me 5 times over. My complications coupled with Harper's positioning should have resulted in a much different outcome. She is our beautiful little miracle (who is also sleeping soundly as I write this. Mom win!) Harper spent a few days in the NICU but was released quickly. If only everything went smoothly after that. I was kept for a few days waiting for my BP to spike. It never did. So they discharged me and I went home. We visited my mom on Sunday and by the time we came home I felt absolutely awful. I took my blood pressure and thought for sure my machine was broken. It was SKY high. Took it again. No change. Took more meds. It went up. Went to Shoppers to use their machine. Continuing to spike. Finally around midnight I made the decision to go to emerge. I took Harper and thought for sure I'd be home by morning. Nope. I was rushed through triage, into a room and IV meds started within 15 minutes of arriving despite the large number of people waiting. I stopped responding to all meds and was told I needed to find someone ASAP to come get Harper. My BP was putting me at risk for stroke and seizure and it wasn't safe for me to have her. Thankfully my mother loves babies and very willingly came to get my baby. I took nearly 20 hours in emerge for my BP to start to settle enough for them to move me to another unit. I stayed for 3 days in the maternity ward trying to control my BP. I was on an outrageous amount of medication - so much so that the pharmacist wouldn't release it to me without a call to my doctor. And it was all horribly, horribly hard. I felt tremendous pressure to pretend everything was okay. I was exhausted and felt like an absolute failure. I was wrestling with the fact that we almost lost Harper. Even though her NICU stay was so so much shorter than a lot of babies, it was so emotional leaving her there with a tube going into her stomach, all alone in her isolette. She wasn't nursing and I felt like it was my fault. She was my third for goodness sake. I couldn't be with my other two who I missed with all my heart. I knew they were so well taken care of with their Oma and Opa but I desperately wanted them with me. And I was so scared. I have never been that scared before in my life. I hadn't understood the gravity of my BP complications until I was in emerge almost blacking out and kept hearing "stroke risk". I was stuck in the hospital and wasn't even able to care for my newborn. Total failure. Plus even after being discharge it took almost a month for me to safely have all three kids by myself. It was so horrible. It's hard when people try to be supportive but can't understand. "Oh I can't imagine. I mean I felt two contractions which barely hurt. Never even considered an epidural. Was at the hospital for half an hour and had the baby and was hosting a dinner party two hours later." Okay a bit of an exaggeration but not much! Some people make birth out to be no big deal. For me it was a huge huge deal. But I felt like I had to pretend it wasn't. I was a bloody (quite literally) mess. And I felt like I had to tell everyone it was okay. Oh yeah it's no big deal. I felt so incredibly alone even though I knew I wasn't. Plus postpartum hormones are stupid. Stupid stupid. I mean, I hate asking for help. I'm starting to figure I may have an issue of pride in that area. And I was absolutely dependent on help for the safety of my kids. Even as I write and post this I feel incredibly vulnerable in admitting I needed help, was absolutely terrified and felt like a failure. I felt like there may actually be a chance I could die. Sitting in emerge that night with Harper curled up on my chest I thought I may not make it through this. From Harper's emotional birth to all of our extended hospital stays (they should name a room after me I was there so long), coupled with the mom pressures coming from every angle broke me. Why is there such insane pressure to be so strong and have nothing phase us? But it got better.So much better. After about a month postpartum I could decrease my meds. 6 weeks postpartum and I was off all medications. I had a slew of tests to determine any lasting consequences and besides finding out that I have a wonderful kidney full of stones (they are just waiting until life is going really well, I just know it) everything has come back clear. I've learned about friends and family who love you at your absolute worst. I've learned what it feels to be horribly lonely (please don't let anyone ever die alone) but I've also learned what it means to be surrounded by your community. And I've learned, because I didn't know it enough already, I'm no supermom. I've also learned Harper is an absolute joy to have. The perfect addition to our family. She's easy going and constantly smiling and giggles at the weirdest things. Her siblings absolutely love her to death. After 6 weeks we found our healthy rhythm and routine. Crazy is still our every day. But not like those first few weeks. And yep, here comes the cliche. It was so worth it - I'd do it all again in a heartbeat for her. 4/22/2017 0 Comments whyAnyone else have kids in the ''why'' stage? Oh my heavens. By the end of the day my inquisitive preschooler makes me feel like an uneducated bumpkin who knows absolutely nothing about everything. I love his strong sense of curiosity and his genuine need to understand how things work. But please. Do you need an answer to every thing?! We decided to try to answer as many questions as we could and not default to answering with 'just because' or 'I said so'. Yeah. Anyone else laughing?
"Why is the train stopped?" "I'm not sure. Maybe it's done it's job for the day." "Why is it done?" "I don't know. Maybe it finished everything it had to do." "Why?" "The engineer probably worked pretty hard to make sure he did his job." "Why?" "Because he probably has a good work ethic." "Why?" "I'm not sure. Maybe he had good parents." "Why?" I ran away to clean the van at this point. "Why are you going to the bathroom?" "Because I need to pee." "Why?" "Because I drank some water earlier. Now my body is done with it so I pee it out" (that is a semi-scientific explanation right?? He also has the memory of an elephant so I'm going to look so completely ridiculous when he goes to school". "Why?" "That's the way God made our bodies to work." "Why?" "I.. um.. I don't know buddy." "Why?" "I don't know. Sorry bud." "Why don't you know anything?". I have no idea.Question of the year. Because I'm a mom with 30 000 things on my mind at all times? Because I think I spend 9/10th of my day trying to figure out how to get you to use the toilet? I told someone today that I only have 2 kids. Felt pretty stupid realizing my mistake a few minutes later and having to correct that. I do love all my children!!! I do so love his desire to learn. But sometimes I wish he were an internal processor. Or could read. Or that Wild Kratts magically answered all his why questions. But be thankful right? Someday he will probably be the one wishing I'd stop asking questions instead of the other way around. 4/12/2017 1 Comment adventuresWe love our adventures! And by adventures I don't mean travelling by camel across the desert to visit the pyramids (although how amazing would that be!! Wait. I have 3 kids.) but local excursions we call adventures. Mostly because I can get nerdy excited about things so if we pump the kids up too then I'm not the only weirdo. We create and budget for our summer bucket list. It really helps give me an idea for how to avoid the mountains of laundry and housework I have everywhere. Plus I unwind being outside and since our backyard is currently a muddy swamp with a hint of dog poop, we like to leave it behind.
I've been asked before how I can do it, taking all 3 kids out for a morning, afternoon or all day. Yep, it's a lot of work. It's so worth it but a lot of work. But here are some tips. 1. Ignore all housework and messes everywhere. That includes in your van. Tell yourself it's beneficial and that it doesn't stress you out at all. Or just leave your house :) 2. Plan food for your outing. (I'm "awesome" at this - I think about all the healthy snacks I'm going to take. I buy them. Prepare them. And 4/5 times forget them and end up picking up timbits) 3. Have a ''adventure kit'' in your card. (we have sunscreen a ball, some toys and some old snacks in the van. It just stays in there. You call it mess, I call it genius. Be sure to include a few dehydrated fries and petrified chicken nuggets. Your kids will eat them I promise) 4. Take the long way to get there to ensure you can enjoy your coffee hot while none of your children can move from their seats. The radio can also mask any noises you may hear. 5. Go with a friend! This makes outings SO much easier. For some reason 5 kids under 4 with 2 adults seems much much less overwhelming than my 3 by myself. Am I right?! Plus I find my kids love to go with other people and I get adult company! 6. Give yourself AT LEAST 1/2 hour to get out of the house. You think I'm joking but I am not. We have a system of coats, shoes, packing bags, strategically shoving kids out the door (think the goat, wolf and chicken crossing the river riddle), loading up and locking up. Mess with the routine and I've lost before I've started. This past weekend we went to Valens Conservation Area with just us. It was perfect. First we did the old parent thing and drove through the campsite where Reuben told all his childhood memories that we've all heard 10 times (I do it at Port Burwell, I know I know) and talked about all the things our kids would love to do here. Because you know, every conversation includes your kids. We also let the kids ''drive'' for a bit (on Reuben's lap, he was still fully in charge at less than 5 km an hour, stop judging). And holy personalities while driving. Jackson was cautious, concentrated and determined. Perfect hand over hand and loved taking direction. Shiloh was a tornado of trouble. Just wanted to turn the steering wheel, stood up while hands still on the wheel, tried to touch every button and any time you corrected her, you know to avoid the TREE, she freaked out. I have a feeling the day she turns 16 our lives will forever change. We walked the boardwalk through the marsh and forest. We saw birds, animal holes, all kinds of growing plants, and got to feel how freezing the water was. Threw some sand in the beach and found an animal skeleton. It was perfect for all of us. So here's a confession that most of you already know. I love the pioneer era. I think every time we go on a hike (Reuben will attest to this) I wonder (out loud of course) what this would have looked like before white settlement. I imagine deer and other animals running everywhere while Natives are spying on us through the trees but we will never notice their existence. I try to imagine their everyday life and how we ruined it. I'm THAT person. My kids are going to go to every pioneer village possible and love it. No choice. But strangely my kids don't really care when I show them some birch bark they can write on like the Natives. They just want to collect 10 000 pine cones and sticks. Shiloh ran around with a stick as a wand "pewing" and casting spells on all the trees to turn them into princess (gag me). We also got to go to Queenston Heights with some friends! Queenston Heights (and Niagara in general) holds so many awesome memories for me - road trips with my grandparents, the excitement of the falls, days away (that of course included wine) with some of my dearest friends, university road trips and many dates with Reuben as we fell in love. I know my kids are going to love those stories when they get a bit older (hahaha!). We spent the day in the glorious spring weather running in the wind all over Queenston Heights. We ate lunch down at the Niagara Glen and I watched all the littles run and play in puddles. I also got to watch Jackson waddle with his legs spread as far apart as possible, denying the fact that he pooped even though I could see it coming through his shorts. It was a perfect start to our summer bucket list! Nothing beats watching my kids play outside with their friends and not need toys to entertain them (they will love the pioneer days!!) Here's to a summer of adventures! 4/7/2017 0 Comments easter theologyAnyone else trying to explain advanced biblical theology to preschoolers? Man. I think I could build a rocket and fly it to the moon before my kids understand any fundamentals.
Because death is inevitable and we live the realities of life with a loss, we chose to talk to our kids (age appropriate) about death instead of pretending it doesn't exist. You know, big mature choice that we pat ourselves on the back for. Oh yes kids you will be more well rounded because of this. Well now considering Shiloh's new line is "I'm the boss because I died", we may be rethinking that decision. We've been talking about death a far bit since September with that my grandpa passed away. My dad is also gone so the kids know he's dead but don't really know he's dead.And then when I try to add in the fact that Jesus was dead for 3 days but rose my kids now think everyone dead with become alive. And Jackson's slightly fascinated with the idea that people will come out of boxes with the worms eating them (please don't ask). His uncles are going to be so proud of his apparent zombie fascination. Here are a few things I've heard my kids say since we've started talking about Easter. 1. I'm getting beautiful and then I die - Shiloh (well... yes... essentially.. but let's hope a WHOLE lot more happens in between 2. Grandpa can't talk because Jesus took his mouth away - Shiloh (this came up when we were talking about how we can't talk to Grandpa anymore because he's dead. I swear people aren't going to know what religion we are a part of) 3. I didn't listen to Dad and then I died but then got married and then didn't die - Shiloh (I have nothing.) 4. Die, alive, die, alive, Jesus is DEEEEAAAAADDDD - Jackson 5. Jesus died and then turned into erection (resurrection) - Jackson (Again, no words. Just a lot of uncontrollable (slightly inappropriate) laughter from me). 6. Jesus lives in my heart. Right in between my boobs. They will grow big and squish Him. - Shiloh (Pray for my daughter) Thank goodness for Sunday school! |
AuthorArchives
October 2021
Categories |