4/28/2020 0 Comments things i've learnedHere are some of the things I've learned while being socially isolated.
1. That whole big list I made during March break of all the things, projects, hobbies, etc that I was going to do? Yeah I should just burn that. That wonderful idea of painting my daughter's desk with her turned into us painting nicely for 5 seconds and then fighting off the rest of the kids, her criticizing my painting skills, painting herself and everything around and then crying about bugs. So I gave up. 2. My kids are wonderfully creative. I love watching them play with their Barbies, Polly pockets, farm animals, legos, coloring pictures, making art out of recycled material. I also love watching them find new ways of excluding each other from games, forming tight best friend alliances when one of them has a few leftover Easter candy, promising a lifetime of best friendship if they come ask me for something, ways to torment each other through closed doors and walls. It's great. 3. They always have some sort of life threatening illness when they have to clean up. Whether it be a broken leg, they are going to throw up, the invisible scratch on their leg started bleeding but adults can't see it, a headache in their stomach, you know. Those. So what could take 30 seconds to clean up takes 6.8 hours with crying, screaming, fighting, all the things that make me thank whoever discovered wine. 4. My children have amazing fashion sense. Like, it's gonna start new global trends. Colors that don't match? Fair game. Clothing that is too short, ripped, stained, 4 sizes too big? Wear it with pride. Mixing every print imaginable? Oh yes. Holes in the but/crotch/things? Perfect air holes for breaking wind. Hair combed with a fork to imitate their red haired idol? We are rocking the socially isolated look guys.. 5. My children are fluent in many languages. English is a little hit and miss. "You need to clean up your room before you go outside" is often heard as "Just go outside and never clean up your room again". "Please leave your sister alone" is often heard as "please continue to bother you sister until she starts screaming like a maniac". 6. Social isolation with the same people impacts us all differently. Harper has always talked to her animals, pictures, ants, worms, basically anything so she's her normal self. Jackson we are still trying to figure out. Shiloh took her umbrella 7. Harper has learned that bathrooms are totally overrated. She cannot be bothered to come inside to use the washroom and just pees herself. But according to her it's "because her underwear is making her sweaty". 8. I hate crafts 9. Why do I feel like all my free time has ended in even less free time than normal? 10. There is absolutely nothing more blessed than receiving a meal. Because heaven knows I've made 1923484360934 since this all began. And don't talk to me about snacks. So when a friend shows up with a meal, any kind of meal, heck I would feed my kids cookies if they came as a meal, it's like the most amazing thing ever. 11. Harper hasn't been eating her vegetables because she is "saving them for when we go to Africa to see the elephants". I love finding vegetables shoved in random places throughout her room. 12. My kids have supersonic hearing when I need to use the bathroom. When I need 5 seconds to myself behind a locked door, 5 SECONDS, they hear it. As soon as I get it every one of my children needs to poop. The previous 23.95 hours of the day they didn't need to but they definitely need to now. Somehow when Reuben is in the bathroom he has enough time to watch an entire episode behind a locked door but I can't even sit down without being bombarded. 13. I'm daily asking myself "did I brush my teeth this morning?" Or smelling my armpits, sometimes even doing the quick swipe in my shirt to see if I can feel the stuff on myself. I'm saving a lot on toiletries though! 12. There are moments at the end of the day when I get to snuggle with my boy and read a story together, when he smells like sunshine and sweat and dirt, that I'm thankful that Im quarantined with some of my favourite people on this planet.
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4/16/2020 0 Comments MoreWell are are nearing the end of another isolated week. I feel like I've moved from constantly checking the news for any kind of updates and to forgetting that news changes daily and am once again living under a rock. It's been kinda nice. Although if I'm honest I think some of that is because I'm overwhelmed and hitting a wall instead intentionally choosing ignorance.
It's this inbetween time of feeling hope that this could ease up before summer. I may get to stick my toes in the sand after all! But then also realizing we won't go back to normal right away. What will be the first things that are eased up? Will I always talk to cashiers through plexiglass? Will restaurant dining rooms be a thing of the past? Will we always obsessively clean anything anyone else touches? What businesses will be able to recover? How long will unemployment rates be high? Is social distancing, to some extent, something that will never leave? I'm trying to give it up to You God and trust that You provide. I'm trying not to put my trust in the financial system, our economic stability and the ability of humanity to crawl out of the mess we've made. I'm trying to choose hope. I'm trying to learn reliance and dependance and surrender. I'm trying not to view those things as a weakness. I'm trying to see humanity drawing together and choosing creative kindness. I'm trying not to struggle with bitterness of those who have income security. I'm trying to recognize all the blessings I do have. I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.... But I'm failing. And I think that's the point. I think the point is that I recognize that I can't be the change. That it's impossible for me to give constantly, remain ever optimistic and to never be afraid. That we alone can't solve the global crisis. We can't eradicate Covid-19 on our own. We can't keep everyone safe. We can't serve all of those who are struggling with deep loneliness, horrible depression and desperately need human touch. We can't. But we can learn to trust in Someone who can. We can pray on repeat "God I'm afraid and I don't understand". We ask for Him to give us solutions, to give us people to serve and to give us hope. We can ask to be part of the solution. So how do we navigate this right now? How do we manage the cycling between hope and fear, peace and desolation? Every hour seems to bring new emotions (some of them I never even knew existed!). I feel like God is putting His hands on the the sides of my face and forcing my eyes towards His. I'm looking everywhere at him. You know? On the floor, up in the sky, anywhere else. I feel like I'm being told "Look into My eyes, look at Me in my eyes. And trust Me." 4/13/2020 0 Comments April 13th, 2020So.... life is a little weird eh?!
What a month it's been. This crazy upside down unexpected month. It's currently 8:10am. I'm on cup of Joe #2. Reheated of course. The girls are fighting over a pink ball that I'll probably pop in an hour. Jackson is refusing clothes and getting involved in the sister squabble. And by sister I mean pitting the two against each other and walking away to watch it all go up in flames. A pretty typical isolation day for us. It's so bizarre how our life seemed to finally be settling. Reuben is working a job he loves. I got a new job I loved. The kids were settling in to routines and have created some really good friendships. We were planning a family vacation that we were all excited about. And then Covid-19 showed up in all it's wonderful glory. And then none of our jobs were secure. None of our normal routines exist anymore. School is different. Shopping is different. Walking is different. Washing our hands is different.I feel like everyone who ventures out of their house is constantly asking themselves "do you have it? Do you?" In a matter of a few weeks the global community has completed shifted on its axis with people forced in their homes with very limited contact praying that an invisible virus doesn't infect them. Economies have slowed if not stopped. Jobs operate remotely from home or without direct contact or not at all. Shelves were empty, canned goods barely stocked and yeast is non existent. Hand sanitizier, Lysol wipes and toilet paper became black market items. And I learned I've taken so much for granted. I've learned everything you work towards, every company you build, every rhythm and routine you fight to have are not really yours to control. I'm learning what real trust for our daily bread looks like. I'm learning my constant prayer has become "God I'm afraid. But I'm trying to trust in you. Help me!" I'm learning to let go of thinking I can control anything in life. And friends these are not lessons I wanted to learn and most certainly not in this way. I have to fight to keep the darkness at bay. When the new realities of life, uncertainties and lack of control come to swallow me in a fog I have to intentionally battle my way through. When I think about the economic reprecussions, future job situations, medical systems and educational systems the darkness can come down heavy. I'm fighting for some sense of normal. "Come to Me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest." But will you give me the security I'm craving? Will you give me the end to this virus so my kids don't have to grow up being afraid of catching something? Will you give my loved ones protection and immunity against the virus? Will you let me continue to live the life I've become accustomed to? It's not fancy by any means but it's comfortable and something we've worked hard to build. Will you call me into deeper waters or let me stand with my feet on the shore? We are confused, we are unsure, we are sometimes afraid. But we are not alone. I have 3 beautiful and stinky children, a supportive and loving husband and a wonderful group of family and friends. I have an incredible church community. This could be a time that I spend slowing down, being intentional and letting go of all the extra distractions and to be honest, crap. This could be the time that I discover Jesus as a friend who never leaves. But man is it hard. It's hard to slow down, to give up control and to be resilient. A huge part of me doesn't want to. I was just fine before. And so I'm fighting and battling myself at every turn. Anyone else?! And yet. He gently cups our face and turns us towards Him. I promise I've found hilarity in this too and those posts are coming!! |
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