8/9/2020 0 Comments the first time backWell we did it. We went back to church for the first time since Covid chased us all into our homes.
I could make a million excuses as to why it took this long for us to go back but really I think there are only a few. I mean we weren't nervous about catching the disease or the new changes to keep everyone safe. But here's what I think. 1. Having no kids church or kids programs was a huge one for us. And the fact that it was one more place we would have to remind our kids to remain socially distant, one more place that they weren't allowed to have the old normal friendships they were used to. A very selfish part of me wanted to keep church as normal as possible for them because goodness, it's church! I know our church has done it's best to welcome those with open arms (distant of course) and remain as normal as possible but I wanted to church to still involve physical community for them. I can admit that maybe this wasn't the best approach. Also, my kids are loud. My kids like to announce to everyone if they've farted. My kids like to stick out their tongues at each other until someone cries. My 3 kids like to fight over the 2 available laps. Jackson's indoor voice is yelling in a ''whisper'' and Harper doesn't even know what whispering is. So church moved into our living room where those behaviours cold continue unknown to the rest of the congregation. 2. It's been harder and harder to carve out a designated routine hour on Sundays for worship. And even writing that brings me shame. But it's true. We faithfully watched every Sunday until a few months ago. The kids became more disruptive (maybe? maybe not? maybe it was all in my head?) and I found worshipping online harder and harder. I missed live preaching, I missed being greeted in person, I even missed the man who would sing blissfully off key in my ear. My introverted heart even missed saying hi to everyone around me instead of running to my car. And our church has done a fantastic job trying to stay connected over this time. But it has become easier to slip into anonymity behind my tv screen. It's been easier to select what I will become exposed to and interact with when I can control the service myself. Don't like that song? Skip. Can't say you love the preacher's message today? Skip. It's waaaay less awkward to walk out during the songs you don't like and come back for those you do during an in person service. 3. I am exhausted with online everything. Reuben and I intentionally battle against screen time for our kids every single day. We are the old school super mean parents who won't give our kids a phone or ipad, won't download games onto ours for them, won't buy a system for them to play. And I know this is not going to last forever believe me. But for now it can and so that's what we choose (they do watch TV though don't worry, they aren't THAT deprived, sheesh). But after doing school online, all my work meetings and trainings online, Zoom call after Zoom call and everything else in between I am done with a screen. As I type this out on my right now. So today Reuben and I went to church for the first time together since Covid started, children wonderfully causing chaos at their grandma's. And my heart, my soul, so needed it. There weren't many people to safely stay until the maximum limit. We had to wear masks into the auditorium. There was no live music. But was an in person real life preacher. We saw our pastor IN PERSON. Like for real. And I felt like I was coming home. I felt like I was told in so many ways "welcome back". I know the Church has worshipped without a physical building since Christ was resurrected. I know we can worship in so many ways anywhere and that God is so much bigger than any building we could build. We weren't able to sing along out loud (which for me is actually a typical Sunday, I'm a singer in my head type girl - I can mouth words SUPER well). But communal worship with music, live or recorded, felt like a river washing over me. I felt home. I didn't bother me that I had a mask beside me on the bench. It didn't bother me that we were sitting in specifically designated seats. It didn't bother me that we had to exit immediately following the benediction. I felt home. My heart felt encouraged and refreshed as those of us there all lifted our hearts together in praise. I felt home. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't normal. It wasn't always comfortable. But I felt home. So as I continue the rest of this Sunday processing this mornings feelings, all 80 billion of them, I feel encouraged and refreshed to take on again online worship until we can once again corporately worship together. And let me just add, I was definitely NOT expecting to feel this way about going to actual church.
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