3/31/2017 0 Comments post children treatsUninterrupted eating without sharing does not exist in my world anymore. But I'm pretty positive it didn't i my parent's world either. I remember coming out of bed after I heard the door open. I knew my parents were watching TV and I heard "sub" so naturally I went downstairs. Low and behold Dad had brought mom a sub. For some stupid reason I remember it was a meatball sub. I could smell the deliciousness and asked (let's be real, probably demanded) I have a bite. Cue epic temper tantrum. From my mother!!! She just blew. Pretty sure she shed some tears. Some nonsense about "I can't ever have anything to myself" and very loudly repeating "go back to bed". I remember thinking, man this lady is nuts. It's just a stinking bite for crying out loud. I'd get a spanking if I pulled this crap! Lady take a chill pill. I'm your child, you have to share with me. Oh Mother, do I understand now. Do I ever understand. I swear I walk in the door with something hidden in the deepest recess of my clothing and they are on me like leeches. They can smell the treats (more like the chocolate melting from my body heat, but hey). Sometimes I can't even make to a safe zone to eat in peace and Im taken down before it's ever really started. They are that good. I do my best to ninja a treat now and then. I confess, I've eaten snacks in the bathroom. Locked the door and sat in front just to make sure. I've gone grocery shopping and sat in my car at home, alone. Eating snacks. Cackling like a crazy lady because ain't no one gonna touch this chocolate bar but me! We've waited until the kids fell asleep to order pizza. Which of course means they will never fall asleep and miraculously stay up till 10. I hide my cookies from Subway because I don't want to share. I may have lied that all the Halloween candy was finished just so I could have one or two more (I'm a seriously terrible person). I bought Reuben a milk shake the other day because he so deserved one. Seriously. And that poor man's milkshake didn't stand a chance. Mom, I SO get it.
0 Comments
3/29/2017 0 Comments we love us some mud!My kids are obsessed with the mud. Especially my barbie princess daughter (she actually is. she's a nut). My little monsters run around in our postage stamp sized back yard and somehow can fight monsters (which repeatedly take the form in either Xena or Shiloh, neither of which is ever too thrilled but both fight back), swim through lava with their lava boots, ''bam'' all the bad guys and just whip mud everywhere. Everywhere.
Before you look at these pictures and think "Oh man I wish I was that brave" or shudder and think I'm absolutely nuts for allowing such a mess, that's exactly what I think when you mention the C word. Crafts. My kids asks to make a craft and my heart races, I get all sweaty and panicky. I feel overwhelmed and want to run away. I come up with every excuse to change the topic or do something else. I am ashamed to admit I have even bribed with timbits to avoid a craft. Ugh I seriously hate crafts. And of course, my kids love them. But I would much rather have them destroy every blade of grass we have, throw mud across every panel of fence, cover themselves from head to toe in mud that requires a bath every single day (which you all know I also hate giving) AND spend hours doing laundry over doing a craft. I am not kidding. Best part is Jackson has pooped EVERY day when he plays outside. It all becomes a game of ''mud vs poop'' landmines when I'm showering him off. 3/27/2017 0 Comments the intruderToday Shiloh and I had the scare of our lives. She was in hysterics, absolute hysterics. My heart would not stop racing.
I was sitting at my kitchen table feeding Harper. Since my kids were watching TV (I'm SO tempted to justify why they were but I will resist. I WILL RESIST) I figured I would also watch my show. Fair right? Reuben and I are into the Blacklist right now (which I said I would watch with him but let's be real. I always watch ahead) which can be a bit intense and suspenseful at times. I had told the kids they could play outside whenever they were ready. Shiloh was ready but needed to get her rubber boots from the front porch. She went to the front door to get her boots. And started screaming bloody murder. Like I seriously thought she was being kidnapped. It took about a second, I kid you not, for her to race screaming inside but that was long enough for her to be in hysterics. I threw (okay put. quickly) Harper down, grabbed Shiloh, slammed the door shut and locked it. She couldn't calm down enough to tell me what was wrong for a few seconds. And then she said it. (I was bracing myself for some looney bin standing on my porch still. Immediately, because I'm completely rational, I was trying to think about how I could get all my kids out safely and sic my dog on them. How was I going to get my van keys, call 911, keep everyone safe, blah blah blah) "The kitty!! The kiiiiiitty"! The kitty??! A cat?! You are totally losing your marbles over a CAT?! I thought I you were being kidnapped, And it was just a CAT?! "It was on the porch! My porch! The kitty!" "Did it bite you? Did he scratch you?" *I frantically look all over her for marks, any marks* "Noooooooo!!!!!!" ....awkward stunned silence "Why.. why are you crying" "Because there is a kitty on my porch!!!" I actually saw the cat run to the neighbours house. The cat that we see every single day. The cat that tries to get in our van every time we go outside. The world's most friendly attention starved cat. I almost died of a heart attack because of this cat. I do not understand my children. Jackson continued to watch Wild Kratts the entire time, only paying attention to us enough to tell us we were in his way. 3/24/2017 0 Comments rubber bootsThis should be the start of rubber boot season. However, my kids live in their rubber boots all year round. All year round. For months they were Shiloh's shoe of choice and it was a game of who could out manipulate the other in order to get her to change. She has worn her bright flower rubber boots (complete with pink handles) to church in her Christmas dress. Jackson wore his bright green frog boots right through.
Both kids outgrew their boots this year (umm hurray!! now I can buy them a little less outrageous boots!). Jackson not only outgrew his, they also got a huge hole in them so I could totally justify throwing them out. YES!! Win for this mom!! I was fully intending on being the boring mom and buying nice unisex black boots. You know, match everything, can be passed on to either gender. And I won with Shiloh (bahahaha) but Jackson was insistent his daddy take him. And someone has his daddy wrapped around his finger and came home with truck boots. Ah well, they are an improvement over the bright green! The weather has been driving us crazy! One day its a gorgeous balmy 16, the next day it's minus a billion and we are all freezing our buts off. Then it's warm and muddy. Then frozen. Then snowy. Then rainy. GAH make up your mind mother nature, enough with your PMS'ing. So as soon as it's even somewhat nice weather we all run outside, normally to the park. Because having 3 kids under 4 means investing in a stroller bus, Jackson got a new standing board for the stroller. And because the board was soooo cool he had to wear his 'cool' new running shoes. The ONE pair of shoes (not boots) I bought brand new for him. Anyone else see where this is headed?? My kids have a routine at the park. Run around the equipment for a bit and then insist they spend 95% of the time in the stupid swings. Yelling for under doggies in a baby swing no less. Hey kids like I know I'm a rock star, but this momma's only got so much in her! I avoid the swings at all cost and pray the entire way to the park that every kid under 3 has come out wanting the swings. All you moms who kick your kids out for mine to have a turn, thanks but please don't. Line up at the swings! Yes! And then it was like the mud started calling their names. They flew SO fast to a puddle I hadn't even seen! I mean I can't really blame them. I would love to just stomp around in the mud and not give two cents. So I did what all good moms do: I took pictures and videos instead of steering them elsewhere. Or helping them out when they fell. I got a lot of laughs, funny looks and even got an overload of information about the dangers of hookworm that my kids were likely to contract (this advice ended up in the mud as well). It was all worth it to watch them jump, not caring about anything else. At least that's what I told myself when I spent an hour washing boots, shoes, strollers and clothes. And them. My kids love books! Thank goodness because Reuben and I are book nerds here. So I thought I'd be all ambitious and super mom the library. You know, get my kids reading diverse, multicultural books so they become well read well rounded kids (cue the laugh track).
I found a few lists of books: 25 Books to read before Kindergarten... 100 books to read before school.. yada yada. So I've been putting some of these books on hold (I know, I'm organized eh?! ) at the library. I've also been trying to read the books I loved as a kid to my kids. But apparently Make Way for Ducklings and the Wumps are not as cool nowadays as I remember them. I take out some of the books on our list but try to encourage the kids to pick out their own. Normally it's this mad random pick. Oh here mom take this book and all 10 beside it. I don't care that they are in French and all about faeries. And yet somehow Shiloh can find Peppa Pig in the midst of the bazillion children's books. We end up with the most ridiculous assortment of books ever. We've been trucking through a few books I think are absolutely wonderful. Some even make me tear up. Okay bawl my eyes out. And then my kids close the book and leave. But out of the pile of books we have right now Jackson is obsessed with the world's stupidest book ever written. Of course it involves a dinosaur (because every aspect of Jackson's life needs to involve a dinosaur). But it's called Ticklysaurus. And let me tell you it's a dumb as it sounds. It's horribly illustrated and is borderline creepy. I mean Ticklysaurus (his name. actually.) tickles one of his friends until it ''wees'' all over - this may be why Jackson still pees in his pants. And somehow Jackson manages to drag that darned book everywhere despite my attempts at trying to hide it. Gah! It is being returned this week and never to be brought back. Shiloh, because she isn't of a different breed enough already, is obsessed with a ninja book. It has encouraged her to master her stealth moves. She practices sneaking up on me all day. And creepily stroking my face and whispering. Or jumping around like an unhinged monkey. She also pretends to be an astronaut all day long and has worn a box on her head for most of the day. But it encourages her imagination right? Please?? So my kids will remain tucked in a world of poorly illustrated stories with stupid plot lines instead of becoming well read informed educated children. At least the still love their books right??! Sigh... 3/16/2017 2 Comments hot messOkay friends. Today I am the definition of a hot mess. Oh man. It should have been one of those "oh rejoice my children have returned from their grandmas! we missed each other so much we won't fight at all". Bahaha. I hope everyone else got a good laugh about that too. Instead my day included these snippets of crazy. 1. Reuben and I woke up to Shiloh in our bed. AGAIN. Neither of us knew when or how she got there. This is happening far too frequently. And it's about to get worse. She just got a ninja book out from the library on how to sneak without making any noise. 2. We had a melt down about the fact that one yogurt container had a blueberry on the top while the other had it on the side. And that giving them another new cup wouldn't make a difference. 3. My kids were outside in the snow by 8:30 am. Playing wonderfully and I'm thinking "I am saved!! Bring on the hot coffee!!". And I watch Jackson dump an entire shovel full of snow on Shiloh's head. And when she begins to scream her face off, he dumps another one. I won't lie, I enjoyed the momentary silence that second shovel full brought. 4. Jackson was asked (okay told) to go pee. He proceeded to tell me he is peeing right now in his pull up. When I threatened (parenting for the win) to put him back in baby diapers he laughed and told me "that's fine". 5. Shiloh had a melt down about saying sorry. And the fact that her hair was in her face but she refused a pony tail. And that her spoon was dirty. And that she peed in her diaper but didn't want to go on the potty. And then she just stripped and peed on the carpet (we have ONE room with carpet. One.) 6. I may have turned on the vacuum as soon as everyone started to cry. Ignorance is bliss. Anyone else? By the time I was done it was silent. Win win?? 7. I got told off for singing along to Moana so I mouthed all the word, complete with hand gestures,s as loud as I could in retaliation. 8. Lay down with Shiloh to get her to sleep for her nap while Harper screamed her face off and I could smell my lunch burning. All the while berating myself for signing up for this. 9. Got into a power struggle for oh probably 15 minutes, about whether or not my 2 year old had poop crusted to her butt. 10. Was told "please keep it in your butt" every time someone farted. Thank you to my husband for that one. 11. Shiloh refused to accept a perfectly reasonable limit on her chocolate intake (and you know, just say please). She decided to go through my cupboards in revenge and found beef boullion cubes. I told her it was chocolate. She stopped asking for treats. 12. Shiloh was put to bed in my bed because her and Jackson couldn't leave each other alone to fall asleep. Came upstairs to her wailing " I made a mess!!" Why yes dear you did. Thank you for covering your entire body, all my sheets, pillows and library books with lotion. My room smells like Bath and body Works. 13. And of course, I was told 10 000 times that they want to go back to Grandma's house. My little darlings, anytime. So basically Jackson ran around like a crazy man today (normal) and Shiloh asserted her independence all.day.long. (normal). It's now 9:45 pm. The two oldest aren't asleep. And I just finished eating chocolate chip cookie dough dipped in hot coffee. I've refueled children. Game on! 3/13/2017 0 Comments sleepoversMy kids are currently having a sleepover at my moms so I can power my way through the endless to-do list that requires no children. Great right?! She graciously offered to take Harper too!! But in my old sentimental age I couldn't be away from my baby that long. Pathetic I know. Plus there is no way I would actually work at the to do list for two days straight. Now I have the perfect reason to take countless breaks! Baby breaks! That probably include Netflix.
A sleepover (even with one kid at home) means freedom!!! Freedom to have a hot coffee (or 6), eat my breakfast without sharing ANY of it (too bad for you Shiloh my master moocher!) and to go to the bathroom without someone creepily asking me through the vent if I'm pooping in there. I can pirouette around the house singing totally off key at the top of my lungs without any eye rolling. Or a sassypants correcting my lyrics. I'm going to sing Moana and butch ever word and no one is going to do anything about it! I'm going to crinkle garbage all day like I'm opening a chocolate bar and enjoy, oh wait what's that sound? SILENCE! Harper is still here guys, she just pleasantly sleeps a lot. Quietly. When she is awake we get nice quality time together - a lot of it has involved watching her hilariously poop. Oh man! But I'm starting to think I'm not Harper's favourite person. Lame. I swear she is constantly looking for her brother and sister. No matter what I do I can barely get her to smile. Even the dog can get her to smile more. It may be because I haven't showered in three days... And yet, despite my love of freedom and decreased responsibility my emotions flip flop every 30 seconds about having my kids gone. "Oh this is fantastic!! I can get so much done!!" "Oh my goodness I miss my kids so much I can't cope!!!! Look at the beautiful mess they made while they were 'playing' with the cereal box!! They were so creative when they smashed the cheerios all over" Cue the waterworks. Literally every few minutes. I walk past their bedroom and get so sentimental I smell Jackson's sweaty, slobbered on boy blanket (it's actually disgusting). I think about how darling Shiloh is every time I pick up 30 000 hair elastics from every room in the house. I even miss them when I spend 20 minutes emptying the vacuum cleaner of all the toys they wanted to see fit in the hose. I have actually laughed to myself looking at the baby gate (where they have their time outs) thinking of all Shiloh's tantrums. Reuben and I fell asleep last night talking about our kids after having looked at videos and pictures of them for at least an hour. I am not kidding when I tell you we are pathetic. I think I spend more time thinking about them than actually doing seriously productive things - proof is in this blog post. I know they don't miss me at all. My mom's house is like Disneyworld to them. I call my mom 1000 times a day, not because I know she can't do it, but because I want to know about every litttle thing they are doing. I know this sentimentality is going to wear off very very shortly after they get home. And I know I'm crazy. But aren't all moms? |
AuthorArchives
October 2021
Categories |